A truly excellent read. Provides an easy to navigate and useful framework to use for interpreting and ultimately managing our experience. Came recommended by a friend and in turn I highly recommend it as well.
Here are some notes I took while I read it:
Simply notice – awareness training / shamatha. Starting with breath, then expanding focus. Being simply; noticing simply, without layering on effort or attempts to achieve.
Splitting in a reintegrative effort – splitting our own psychology into beneficial vs malevolent / regressive influences (gremlin), to make it easier to identify and work through – redefining our sense of identity; self
Effort vs strain – good job delineating these approaches, and the implications for practice of one vs the other.
Simply noticing vs trying to and/or figuring out – watching the train vs hitching a ride
Consciously directing our attention, not just following it where it leads us
The power of the breath – notice how you are breathing in different situations, and how that corresponds to how you feel. Paying attention to it.
Basic Confidence – we are able to change the narrative, handle things as they arise
Gremlin – equals , to a certain degree, neuroticism, neurotic thinking habits
Experience-based practice
‘The natural you’ – the observer, the watcher. Training equanimity – being able to observe and experience without being captured by / fully taken up with. Watching the train of thought or feeling go by without feeling the need to hitch a ride.
Impermanence – good times become bad eventually, bad times become good eventually. You’ll never have all your ducks in a row.
Being centered / renewing practice. Again, strengthening equanimity
‘Now I am aware…’ good approach for practicing shamatha in a non-judgmental way (where you don’t get hung up on what you should be paying attention to and how you are doing it)
Simply noticing – the power of awareness. Watering the seeds of mindfulness, as opposed to the seeds of our feelings, thoughts, habits etc. Mindfulness automatically leads to transformation
Habitual responses to stimulus – emotions and other people – becoming aware of this. Moves more into insight meditation / vipassana. Good directed exercises to get people shining the light of awareness on habitual responses that are typically governed by autopilot
Mentions spiritual Materialism
Dealing with fear: What’s so? So what? So what? What now?
What’s so? – separating what you know with absolute certainty from what you imagine)
So what? – Notice your catastrophic expectation
So what? – if the expectation comes true, what’s the worst that will happen?
What now? – options are infinite.
Simply notice – our habits for responding to people and circumstances – how much of this is driven by a habitual response to a narrative we generate, vs how much is chosen action?
“Life may be one damn thing after another, but it does not have to be the same damn thing over and over again.”
Simply notice what our habits are, and if they are what we want / adding to our lives – habits are based on concepts, not reality. Getting into right view, right action, right mindfulness. By simply noticing, we are extending ourselves beyond just the habit itself.
Simply notice your self-concept, your ‘acts,’ concepts of what is so, early influences and foundations of misconceptions, what you think of you
Avoid grappling with your gremlin – almost any engagement beyond simply noticing is too much – you get entrapped in samsaric cycles. Simply noticing more akin to letting go / equanimity – basis for freedom.
Reality and duality akin to past and future do not exist – only action and engagement comes from present moment – only workable moment. When we spend time outside of it, we are using our energy up in a way that doesn’t help, when we could be spending it in the moment improving our situation.
Pay physical attention to your body in noticing where tension lies.
Steps:
– Breathe
– Center yourself
– Use your ‘I’m taming my gremlin’ mantra
– Notice where you end and all else begins – your skin
– Establish the here and now as a home base from which you shine your spotlight of awareness
– Use your spotlight of awareness to simply notice:
– your body
– the world that surrounds you
– your habits
– your concepts
– your gremlin’s chatter
Choosing and playing with options:
Emphasis on ‘playing.’ Avoid ‘should, ought, must’
Being at choice – being intentional with what we do, how we act, where we spend our energy
Breathe and fully experience – feelings and habits are not bad, but we can react to them in harmful ways – repression, etc. Better to breathe deeply and give emotions lots of space within you
Change for a change – we do not have to always follow our habits. We can change for a change, fool around, play with our habits.
Accenting the obvious – sometimes by exaggerating certain qualities of our self talk or various situations we can make things more noticeable and easier to work with. Helps us to identify the absurdity of certain self-limiting thoughts and behaviours
Just imagine it – imagination and positive / creative visualization can be helpful, but do not replace the concrete steps of planning and doing. However, can be helpful in throwing away deep-rooted but outdated pre-convictions.
Writing your own script – intentionally reprogramming self-hypnosis. Reframing any limiting self-evaluations in positive terms, at length.
Revisit and Re-decide – revisiting past assumptions, ‘unveiling your veil of concepts’ – considering parents’ characteristics – ten words or short phrases that describe your parent as you experienced him / her when you were a child, evaluating which of those characteristics fit you, even a little bit, then marking down which you’d like less of, and which you would like to keep and perhaps embellish, and which you could make more useful to you by modifying or reworking.
Be at choice and play with options – play with making the characteristic bigger, smaller, or nonexistent. Keep this project to yourself, an inner sport.
Keep in mind that your confining, negative and/or outdated concepts and behaviours come form a massive number of folks and factors (interdependent origination) so don’t waste time seeking someone to blame. “Most parents I’ve met try their darndest to do right by their kids, and while I’m not sure about your parents’ intentions or actions, I know for certain that if you cling to the belief that your shortcomings are their fault or, sillier yet, their responsibility, you won’t sink all the way into the fulfillment and contentment you deserve.”
Your life is your life – you are at the driving wheel. Both a scary and exciting realization.
One more option of practice:
“Center yourself, remembering that special place behind your heart and making use of your “I’m taming my gremlin” mantra”
Common gremlin strategies:
– the “You can’t” strategy – replace can’t with won’t, and will or will not with choose to or choose not to. Making it a part of your choice, rather than an external circumstance being forced upon you. Adding “Until now”
– the “You should,” “You ought to,” and “You must” strategy – simply noticing and playing with options will help free yourself from ‘shoulds’ and ‘oughts’, and reflection and simply noticing will help become aware of concepts of ourselves and beliefs on how we should be. Emphasizing personal choice in the matter. Follow the natural you.
– the “You need” strategy – most “needs” are wants in disguise; replace “need” with “want.” Particularly in relationships – changing from dependency to volitional act allows for much more room inside the relationship to begin really loving one another
– the “You don’t deserve” strategy – guilt serves not one positive purpose. Think of your guilt as an IOU; either tear it up or ask yourself who it is you owe and what it is you owe them. Make a reasonable decision as to what act, if any, you want to perform in order to allow yourself to tear up the IOU, then perform the act as quickly as possible and tear up the IOU. With your freedom of choice comes responsibility – so remember, you are responsible for your choices.
– The “Fantasy is reality” strategy – world of mind, assumptions is gremlin’s turf. Sometimes simply taking the time to accurately phrase your processes as you notice them will bring you out of fantasy and into reality, and hence to the all-important point of choice. Simply noticing and accentuating the obvious can be useful tools – following your process / assumptions and identifying your fears can help uncover their absurdity, or their root in something else. Accenting the process your gremlin is using to scare you will diminish the fear. Once fear diminished, make the choice – don’t have to take the risk. But at least your choice will be based on realistic considerations rather than on an outdated concept or habit formed long ago.
– The “Tensing in anticipation of pain helps” strategy – tensing actually increases pain. Causes the experience earlier and/or prolongs it. In interpersonal relationships, this sort of defensiveness tends to create and exacerbate unpleasantness and limit the possibility of intimacy.
– The “Hem and haw” strategy – talking without saying anything, beating around the bush without making a decision etc – to be free, we need only become aware of our wants, our thoughts, and our emotions, and describe them clearly and concisely. A simple sentence is far more powerful than an elaborate analogy or explanation when it comes to making yourself understood. If you are feeling afraid, acknowledge the consequence you fear and consider stating it aloud. The fear of unpredictability can become the excitement of unpredictability. When you communicate clearly and succinctly instead of hemming and hawing, you will feel much more alive and you will open yourself to the possibility of intimacy and warmth in your relationships.
Rules your gremlin would love to have you follow, as they will ensure shallow relationships and perpetual disappointment:
– Use generalizations such as ‘we’ and the impersonal ‘you’ or ‘people’ instead of the term ‘I’
– Confuse feeling with thinking
– Confuse the world of mind with what’s actually going on within you and around you
– Conceptualize problematic situations in such a way as to make others responsible for your misery
– Smile when you are angry and sad
– Use ‘can’t’ when you mean ‘won’t’
– Lead your life in accordance with rules and regulations, and without taking into account your natural desires and the current moment and situation.
– Make an effort to keep relationships comfortable and predictable; and, for goodness’ sake, don’t rock the boat
– Relate to those close to you as you have always related to them
– Assume that you know what others are thinking and feeling
– Never disagree
– Be clear about the roles others expect you to play, and make certain not to make them uncomfortable
– Confuse wants and needs
– Don’t say ‘no’
– Use lots of filler words such as “know what I mean,” “sort of,” and “wouldn’t you agree.”
– Avoid eye contact
– Interrupt
– Breathe shallowly and rapidly
– Instead of listening, think ahead to what you want to say next
– Tell people what they should and ought to do
– The “My fear is scaring me to death” strategy – Simply listen, accenting the chatter from time to time. Develop a sense of detachment from the gremlin and after a few minutes focus awareness on his body or the world via sensory receptors, instead of in the world of mind. This brings us to the point of choice, and the ability to relax and focus awareness where we choose.
– The “They have to change in order for me to feel better” strategy – Understand the basics of pleasure, prioritize peace of mind
The Basics of Pleasure
– Make being centered and feeling good a top priority
– Remember that doing so is primarily an inside job
– Remember where you end and all else begins – that miraculous sheath known as your skin
– Breathe, dammit, breathe
– Relax your pact to keep your act intact
– Establish the here and now as home base from which you consciously direct your spotlight of awareness
Being in Process – gaining an appreciation for the simple truth that contentment is not a static state – not an entity to be captured. Rather, it is an experience that, like misery, is available and accessible within you.
Being in process is an attitude – an appreciation of this simple truth and of the reality that your life will be forever unfolding and your future always unknown.